Here’s an idea: book a spa treatment late in the day at Montelucia’s Joya Spa and stay for a secluded dinner on their spa terrace, a service that began last month. The space holds a max of 30, with killer views of Camelback that change by the minute as the sun sets. But you don’t necessarily have to book a spa treatment to enjoy the menu from Prado’s Claudio Urciuoli.

It includes starters like an arugula and prosciutto salad with quail egg and pear, and main courses like Peekytoe crab-filled agnolotti with avocado, orange, hazelnut oil, and micro greens. Wine is available by the glass or bottle, and if you’re truly blessed out from your massage, then opt for the 3-course prix fixe ($50). Dinner is served Friday and Saturday evenings only, beginning at 5:30 pm.

View the menu here

Make reservations here: 480-627-3020

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If you’ve always thought that Rachel Ray is the Devil and that Sandra Lee’s heart pumps “70% ice cold Russian vodka and 30% blood”,” then you’ve got a friend in the people at http://foodnetworkhumor.com.

Created by a pair of cute sisters, Jillian and Michelle Madison, Food Network Humor is part of a larger set of sarcastic sites called Pophangover network. We love FNH for calling out celeb chefs, counting how many times Tyler Florence says “off the charts,” and marveling at the absolute Alton Brownness of Alton Brown.

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On a recent stop by La Grande Orange for a coffee and a Commuter sandwich, we ran into Dave Johnson, the former sommelier at Sol Y Sombra. Johnson has apparently landed on his feet since the sudden closing of Sol about 2 months ago. He’s now in charge of wine buying for the soon-to-open Oakville Grocery at Scottsdale Quarter.

If Oakville sounds familiar, that’s because the place has been open in Napa Valley since forever-ago and you probably stopped there for some tapenade or prosciutto on your way to grapeland. The specialty food retailer moves more homemade goods and fresh food than almost any market in the country. But the big ponder: Will Scottsdale people embrace the quality? Will the stuff on shelves be local and national? Will the merch live up to its NoCal counterpart? What’s on the wine list? And most importantly, which wine distributor has the hottest reps?

Watch the video below to hear Dave Johnson answer some of those questions.

Meanwhile, go surfing: http://www.oakvillegroceryarizona.com

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Nobody likes a chef who acts like they’re better than they actually are (we have a few of those right here in town.) But you’ve gotta respect someone who admits they lack the skills.

There are 12 of them starring in the new Food Network show, “Worst Cooks in America,” premiering Sunday, January 3. Their job is to fool a panel of judges that two professional chefs actually cooked the competing dishes. Who are those chefs? “Secrets of a Restaurant Chef” host Anne Burrell and our own Beau MacMillan, Exec Chef at elements in Sanctuary on Camelback.

Beau Mac and Anne B will usher these mediocre hash slingers – who can barely heat a pan or crack an egg – towards a grand prize of $25k.

Watch the trailer at www.foodnetwork.com.

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If you were watching Good Morning Arizona! on KTVK Channel 3 a couple of weeks ago (see clip here) you saw EATERAZ chatting with Tara Hitchcock about wine and spirits trends around the Valley, and today you saw us man-ing up with Scott Passmore about Sam Fox‘s new spectacle, Modern Steak and Aaron May‘s Mabel’s on Main, (see today’s clip here.)

Smooth like butter, you say? We want more EATERAZ, you demand? Wow, HD makes his skin look really bad, you lament?

We’ve requested some makeup at the station, but we’re not sure if producer Kelly Deisner turned around and walked away or went to go look into it. Oh well, just looking out for your well-being, Channel 3.

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We love pointless sh*t. Why? Because pointless sh*t is usually the coolest.

Paso Robles-based winery, Hope Family, have developed an iPhone app specifically tailored to their suite of wines—Liberty School, Treana, Candor, and Austin Hope. It’s called WINE DJ and here’s how it works:

You select your mood, your setting, and which of their wines you’re drinkin’ and the program will play tunes tailored to the situation. Settings range from Candle Light to Strobe Light and Flying Solo to Entourage. You can also tap a button to instantly find the nearest packy for another bottle.

We’re surprised we haven’t seen more wineries doing something like this. It’s a great way to build the brand and create loyalty beyond the bar or liquor store shelf. A non-profit research group called the Wine Market Council points out that the Millennial generation encompasses over 70 million people (born 1977-1998), and that their buying power is increasing every day. Hope is, in our opinion, doing a killer job of getting at them with this idea. The affordable wines, which generally range from about $12 to $25, are also being outfitted with bottle neckers directing customers to app. Smart, right? Pointless, cool, and smart. Way to go, Hope.

Check ‘em out: www.hopefamilywines.com

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So the Downtown Phoenix Public Market is officially open on a daily basis. What’s that mean? It’s supposed to mean that you can shop for fresh, local, organic stuff inside a building anytime you want – as opposed to hitting the tented parking-lot affair that takes place every Saturday morning and Wednesday afternoon. We totally realize that that market just opened and has a long way to go, but it’s off to a rough start.

Our walk through yesterday revealed vast stretches of empty shelves and where there was product, it was simply a widdled down version of your usual farmer’s market faves – honey from McClendon’s Select, tortillas from that tortilla guy, DeCio pasta, Double Check Ranch beef, and some lettuce. We hate to get down on such a worthy cause, but is this really the best we can do? Maybe those Oakville Grocery guys opening up in Scottsdale have got it right—mix the local stuff with the national stuff, so then there’s actually product to buy.

See for yourself:
721 N. Central
(SE Corner of Central Ave. & McKinley St.)
www.foodconnect.org/phoenixmarket

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A couple of weeks ago, we showed you Long Meadow Ranch’s, Chris Hall, saber a bottle of champagne with nothing more than a wine glass. Today, in our continuing pursuit of parlor tricks with wine, we found an international sensation.

Ask a French chef to go light on the cream, and he’ll say: “aller merde vous!”

Ask this drunk guy to open a bottle of wine using a shoe, “pas de problème!”

Watch the clip below to see how a seemingly impossible task is no problème for this stumbling drunk Frenchman. BTW, if you decide to try this trick at home, send us a clip! (Not the emergency room bill.)

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We’ve never been pulled in so many food-event directions as this past weekend. But we knew that the EATERAZ sponsored cooking demos at The Big Pour (which took place throughout the weekend) had to get inked on the sched, especially with performing chefs that included True Food Kitchen‘s Michael Stebner, who discussed the evils of butter, and Petite Maison’s James Porter, who preached that frog’s legs are the “new chicken wings.”

Each one was better than the next, but it was Zinc Bistro/Mission/Nine|05 wunderkind Matt Carter, who definitely won MVC.

Usually this honor might go to Carter for his award-winning fare. But this time, it was due to his relentless determination Thursday night to finish his demo right through a total loss of power as he was searing some Berkshire Pork.

Completely un-fazed, he just kept on engaging the crowd, passing out shots of his chosen pairing beer. At one point, he had his comrade-in-arms and Zinc head chef, Rochelle Daniel, at the ready to hop the fence to borrow a pair of hot plates from neighboring Metro Brasserie, if need be.

As it turns out, event organizers got the juice back on and Carter successfully “powered” through the incident. As the shot above shows, the crowd was happy to wait with him.

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A few weeks ago, Barbara Yost from the AZ Republic gave Burger Studio, a burger joint in Sunnyslope five freakin’ stars. We happened into this place by accident last night and later wondered, after Googling around to read some reviews, if we ate at the same place she exalted … right down to their “stainless-steel box with words cut out and illuminated: ‘delicious,’ ‘moist,’ ‘tempting,’ ‘enticing,’ ‘sizzling.’ All of these apply to this compact restaurant that’s been open about eight months,” she said. Oh, and about that sign, the owner said he came up with it … must have been after he ripped off the idea from Pop Burger in NYC (see above pictures.)

We only wish he would have ripped of their food, too, because it took a wrong turn at every corner.

Once again, the Yelpers have it on the paper, giving it a rating of two out of the precious-yet-easily-doled out five on the Republic scale. They sited a “surly” hostess, which was the thing that actually set off one of our diners the most  (“Just because the food sucked, doesn’t mean the hostess has to be a bitch,” one Yelper laments.) Others complained about “floppy pickles, flavorless & bland burgers, and cold, lifeless & disgusting sweet potato fries” The Yelpers were spot on with their callouts. It was like they were writing as we were eating.

Listen people, burgers are a like supermodels, if you treat them right, you don’t have to smother them with makeup. Give them the right amount of simple attention and they will provide a love that’s a thing of beauty.

Take a lesson from Mark Tarbell who just grinds down a NY Strip, some salt and pepper and kabam!, awesome burger. Other faves of ours: J&G Steakhouse, Modern Steak’s Kobe Burger, Delux Burger, and Welcome Diner back in the era of master patty maker Peter Hearn. They are all basically simple preparations with delicious results. Delicious, unplagiarized results.

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