OR … is he?  KFC recently unveiled a new concoction–the Double Down sandwich, available only in Rhode Island and Nebraska for now. Two fried chicken filets replace the bun, with cheese, bacon, and special sauce inside. If you can bear the shame of possibly being spotted trying this sandwich once it hits AZ, remind anyone who criticizes that this sandwich may actually be diet material for the American obese.

How’s that?

The Vancouver Sun reports that the Double Down clocks in at about 1228 calories, and that’s right in line with a bunch of stuff America is already eating:

Orange Peel Chicken at Pei Wei: 1,040 calories

Mexican Grilled Chicken Burrito at Chipotle:  1,179 calories

Classic Italian Sub at Quizno’s: 1,370 calories (86 g fat!  4,490 mg sodium!)

Stuffed French Toast Combo at IHOP: 1,476 calories

Moo’d Power Smoothie at Jamba Juice: Men’s Health says it has “more sugar than two pints of Ben and Jerry’s Butter Pecan ice cream.”

So indulge Arizona, it’s good for you!

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We love it when we go in for one story but come out with another. Kinda like how Seftel will rip-a-place and then give it four stars.

Wait, it’s not like that at all. It’s just Friday and we’re feeling feisty.

Take a look at the happy hour menu at Fleming’s. Pretty sweet deals for a place that caters to expense accounts and big nights out, right? Everything on it is six bucks until 7 o’clock. There’s a burger made of ground Prime New York, about half-a-dozen slices of seared Ahi, and lumpy crab cakes. There’s even five cocktails and five glasses of wine – all for six bucks.

But turn the menu over and there’s a list of burgers. On a whim, we went for the Portobello Mushroom Burger and, craziest thing, it had us pushing away the one made of meat. This feeling of veggie-love being new to us, we had to ask Chef/Partner Steve Butler a couple questions.

He keeps most things secret, but agrees that the $10 portobello is the greatest thing on that menu. It actually tastes like a burger, yet as he says, “it comes from the ground.” So while the “5 for 6 ‘til 7” happy hour is certainly newsworthy, that burger is a bona fide headline stealer.

*sample menu — the wines are known to change from time to time.

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The picture above is not a concept, it’s possibly the finest example of brand extension that we have seen. Who better to deliver an energy drink that Duracell? I mean COME ON!!! THE COPPERTOP BATTERY!!! Even their can is badass.

Launched in 2008 in the Czech Republic — I guess that’s the new testing ground for the American consumer — it still hasn’t hit our stores yet.

Filled with typical ingredients like, caffeine, taurine, B vitamins and sugar, the jury’s still out on what it tastes like (hopefully not like their batteries, not that we would know what they taste like either.)

You can always visit their website for more info, and it might help if you read Czech.
http://www.duracelldrink.com/en.html

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What do you do when you have no clue what the people want? You ask ‘em! Chef Lenny Rubin of The Vig – the Arcadia joint that draws folks who salivate over scene as much as being seen – recently posted a question on Facebook:

“Chef Lenny’s been workin’ on the new Fall menu. He’s never short on ideas, but would love to hear your suggestions on what we should include? Lay it on us, FOV’s! See ya this weekend!”

Although the Vig calls itself a tavern (wait, “modern tavern”) folks called for escargot, “butternut squash in any dish,” pumpkin soup, “baha style grilled quail,” and skatewing. Tavern food? You decide. Some enlightened responses fit The Vig’s schtick, calling for pumpkin fries, buffalo calamari, lots of chili, and more ahi tacos and big burgers. Good advice.

Someone simply exclaimed: “Buffalo Chicken shouldn’t discriminate!” (WTF? Because we had the Buffalo Chicken once at The Vig, and that shit reminded us of a discriminating racist.) Another suggested not a menu addition, but a deletion: the “salad with the lamb and hummus…well, that could take a leave of absence.”

And although two people “Like This” and one simply left words of approval for some other guy’s suggestion, one person wants to eat at Houston’s but hang at The Vig: “Sashimi!! Copy whatever is in Houston’s, but make it a couple bucks cheaper.”

Copy Houston’s but make it cheaper … If that’s the formula for a modern tavern, then we’d hate to see what a postmodern one would be like.

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When we read Chow Bella’s list of 8 places that President Obama should have eaten while in Phoenix last week, it got us thinkin’ … What are the 8 places the New Times should have recommended that Obama should have eaten at last week?

THEY SAID: Tradiciones
WE SAY: America’s Taco Shop
Hell, this one writes itself into the headlines: America’s Taco Shop!? Image Cabinet … take the day off.

THEY SAID: Barrio Café
WE SAY: Los Sombreros
Sure Barrio still commands a hefty wait, and sure it’s always in our top 10 regular rotation of dining out, but when Alex Stratta comes to town, he goes to Los Sombreros. When Matt Carter wants tacos, Los. Virtually every chef seeking quality Mexican food in AZ hits the Sombreros. And that’s worth its weight in fake Presidential gold coins.

THEY SAID: Gallo Blanco Café
WE SAY: Los Dos Molinos
Although there’s a high-quality-per-penny quality to the two dollar tacos at the White Cock, we think Obama would rather hear about Victoria Chavez, who wakes up at 3 o’clock in the morning every day to braise the ribs adovada. We’re not sure if that story’s still true, but that’s what makes it a perfect fit for FOX News.

THEY SAID: Carolina’s
WE SAY: El Taco Loco
Get the number 21. We win.

THEY SAID: Pizzeria Bianco
WE SAY: La Piazza al Forno
Soggy mid-crust, slightly salty/smoky outer crust, melty mozz, quality meats, and no wait. Plus, you’ve got families, labor workers, and random Glendale locals. It’s practically a town hall, without the AK-47’s.

THEY SAID: Lo-Lo’s Chicken & Waffles
WE SAY: Stacy’s Barbecue
It was just written up in Bon Appetit, so it’s timely. Plus, it’s small as hell, so it would just look great to have Stacy, an honest man if ever there was one, barely able to see over his counter, serving up greasy bbq to the guy who’s marinating our deficit into the ground.

THEY SAID: NOCA
WE SAY: Chelsea’s Kitchen
Just because Noca serves cotton candy, that doesn’t mean it’s kid-friendly, as the NT states. Hell, if you wanna trace the genealogy, the whole cotton candy thing started with Kerry Simon in Vegas who was looking for shit that strippers would eat–and big, airy balls of sugar fit the bill perfectly. So we’re gonna say Chelsea’s Kitchen, because you actually see lots of kids in there all the time (probably because they eat free from 3-6pm, daily), and we bet the Obama girls care more about simple food and less about recycled schtick.

THEY SAID: Rokerij
WE SAY: Rendez-Vous
NT said Rokerij because of the potential to take over the whole subterranean space and make things private, but we’re gonna go old school and say anyone looking for privacy should head to Rendez-Vous, that building next to Coup des Tartes. It’s got its own bar and lots of room to get comfortable. Plus, it’s perfect for Secret Service detail.

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It was like the opening line to a joke: “So a priest and a rabbi walk into a bar ….” Only in this case, they really did walk into a bar/restaurant called Petite Maison. You saw our video a couple weeks ago about former Tapino owner James Porter opening a cozy French bistro in Old Town. Apparently, his meeting the scheduled opening date was ordained by a higher power — because as folks like Peter Kasperski scrap plan after plan and endure takeover after takeover, the little James that could trucks on, closing a place and opening another one in near-light speed.

But let’s get back to the blessy blessy. Porter and his wingwoman, Wendy Goldman, ordered up Deacon Jim Brett and Rabbi Alan Abrams to bless the place during its first test run with friends and family. “We wanted as many denominations as possible, but scheduling in a Buddhist or a Shaman turned out to be a nightmare,” said Goldman. So they went with the big two.

As the crowd gathered outside to watch the blessing, kitchen staff prepared the first “service” (pun totally intended.) Even atheists kept their chuckles to a minimum, bowing their heads for a sec to honor the new joint. (Of course, mass with more than a sip of wine is a hell of a lot more fun.)

After the blessing, EATERAZ headed inside to query a few industry insiders about their thoughts on the religious experience. Gossip queen Mari Markogianis tried to put Crave’s master of operations, Shannan Metcalf,  in her place, while event planner Kerri Conlon tried to avoid any comments that might piss off The Lord. Just watch.

But is Petite Maison a religious experience? We got Porter to cook up some dishes from the menu — escargot, cod fritters, foie gras, steak frites, poulet, and some other good stuff. Want to know what we think? We think we will be eating at Petite Maison every night this week because after that, we won’t be able to get a table. Why? You folks will jam up the reservation line. It’s that good. For the first time in a long time, that nine-million-star review often doled out by local food critics might actually be justified.

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We could make a million gay jokes about well-hung meat or tell you that we really honestly feared for our lives in the video above, but we’ll just let Chef Lee Hillson do the talking:  the other resort chefs can pick basil from their herb garden, but I’m curin’ meats. Well, he doesn’t really say that, but he is on a path to fulfill a longtime dream—to manage his own charcuterie locker, aging things like various salamis, prosciutto, and other stuff to make dinner at T. Cook’s feel like a Napa or big city experience. And that means we think T. Cook’s is in the front running for becoming THE charcuterie destination in the desert.

Hillson’s just back from a Holland America cruise where he taught cooking classes and prepared special Mediterranean menus for the moneyed sea-farers. Back stateside, T.Cook’s was serving the same dishes in the dining room, and there’s still a couple days left to try portions of that Holland America menu. You can order up the fried tomato cakes with fava bean puree, or an insanely comfy pasta alla carbonara, topped with a yolky egg and presented with a slice of swine that nods to Hillson’s 2008 Iron Chef battle, where his secret ingredient was ham.

Which brings us back to that locker. The Pork Whisperer hopes to have meats literally fill the space you see here, with rows upon rows of hanging deliciousness. The higher the demand, the more exotic the meat. So that means it’s up to us, folks, to make it all work. Meantime, the least you could do is watch the EATERAZ tour deep into the charcuterie cave – I mean, hell, we coulda been killed.

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People who do Jäger shots are about to grow up. Taking a pull from the “moose-headed big box chiller” behind the bar will soon look like child’s play compared to the French upgrade that’s about to go down in bars across America.

Gilles Badin, Trade Development Director for Moët Hennessy and Grand Marnier passed through Phoenix yesterday to “assess” the market and help find places that will carry the new Grand Marnier shot-pouring machines. Badin says the folks at Grand Marnier realized the cognac blend is really only used as:

• An addition to margaritas in places like AZ and TX
• An after-dinner drink in upscale restaurants
• As a cooking ingredient in French kitchens
• As an end-of-night shot by bartenders.

So to push the shot concept on the 25 to 35 year-old set, GM’s dropping off shot dispensers at mid-level bars, who will sell them for about $7 a pop.

“They will increase Grand Marnier visibility behind the bar,” Badin told us during a quick meeting at the Royal Palms. “You won’t see them behind the bar at a place like this,” he says, “but maybe at a place like The Lodge or even La Bocca.”

But will people actually do shots of Grand Marnier? “Arizona is a very brand-driven market,” he said in a way to imply something deeper, more sinister. “People are very proud of letting people know what they like.” It’s true, ask a person why they like Belvedere over Ketel One and watch them dance for an answer. Deep down, it’s a brand thing, not a taste thing.

So when that 26-year-old kid wants to order up a round of shots for his friends, he can order jäger-bombs like he did in college, or Grand Marnier, like an actual adult.

ONE SIDENOTE:
Grand Marnier has also just released an iPhone app with GM cocktail recipes from top national mixologists. For those without an iPhone, boo hoo.

Kidding. Just click on www.gmcocktails.com for yours.

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We caught up with Chef Beau Macmillan during the last evening of his highly successful Lunch and Learn program over the weekend and here’s what he had to say.

This Iron Chef winner has been working hard on redoing the kitchen at Elements, and working just as hard with the Food Network on some projects (damnit we swore not to share details yet). One we can talk about is The Best Thing I Ever Ate, where various Food Network stars talk about their favorite spots and dishes. The show plucked Beau to do a segment and it should be renamed “Beau Mac Gives Back” as he picked some of his local friends.

One in particular is Matt Carter and his French Onion Soup at Zinc Bistro. He claims that he and his girlfriend go out of their way while traveling to find one that beats Carter’s and they haven’t still. Carter is humbly stumped by this, admitting he does put a special “spin” on his version, but is still wowed by Beau’s devotion.

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Chef Justin Pfeilsticker is not a small man and that means his bread pudding is probably better than yours. To be totally honest, his was the best bread pudding we’ve ever had. It capped off a summer of cooking at Sanctuary on Camelback’s Lunch and Learn series this past Saturday night.

For the past couple months, Sanctuary’s been hosting chefs from both local and out-of-town restaurants for cooking classes and lunch or dinner parties, all emceed by none other than Boston Beau himself.

After a cooking demo on how to make crabmeat ravigote and the devouring of a killer corn-fried catfish with crawfish etouffee, we headed into the kitchen to chat with Pfeilsticker (who’s the man behind the burners at Trader Vic’s) and  watch the kids move bread pudding on down the line.

One thing we learned: we need a camera with a stabilizer. Bad.

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